he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
