You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
