you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize