The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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