Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
