I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
