Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
