whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
