its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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