i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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