i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
