My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
