thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
