im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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