In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i love accidental penises.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
