his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
