She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
