just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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