how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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