So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
