oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
