so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
