either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
