I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
