You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
