Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
