just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
