I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
