well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
