He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
