everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
