we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
