I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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