Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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