my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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