Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
