Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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