I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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