shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
