I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
