My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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