It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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