Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
