I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize