If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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