I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
