he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
