But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
