does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
