they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
