I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
