I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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