I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
