I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
