one word: firstdatebathroomanal
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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