he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
