True but thats because hes a fetus.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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