Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Less talking, more tequila
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
