3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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