Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
