This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
