Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
