I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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