Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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